trouble sleeping

I’m having trouble sleeping
You’re jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me

Thoughts of him flood my brain cells more and more lately. So much that even in my sleep, there's only him in it. No matter how many times I wake up and turn my pillow around, he's still haunting my next dream.

I’m having trouble breathing
You’re sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me

Tons of other issues are going around my head right now, but in every corner, is his image sitting. I found myself bothered by his sudden shift of behavior. Like he's crawling back inside his own thick rough shell. More distant and reserved. Don't know what bothers him, but what bothers him bothers me. Because he's not the same. And it weakens me.

It’s you
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never dared to let
my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
never cared too much about honesty

I'm cool with what we have, but what we have seems to start slowly fading away. I'm cool with what we have but not anything lesser. I know he's dry of any inspiration, but he's my reason why I could now lift myself easier off to bed every night. Why I'm still having this light radiating within me no matter how much murkier the water I swim becomes. A light which I hope could somehow reach his shadowed planet.

I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me

I miss seeing him smile. It takes off all his defenses. I miss him and I'm powerless. And I still have not fully swallowed the possibility of losing him completely in the crowd. That he could fly off anytime soon, never to return. The thought still sleeps in denial because I'm defenseless. Because now, even though he's still around, I still find myself missing him.

It's not exactly a difficult mind game for him not to be clueless of how much I care for him. But I see that he's zoning in. And though the distance is pounding me, I'll give it. But I'll leave the porch light on so he'll know I'm just waiting.

It’s you
Now and always you
but never me
I’ve never dared to
let my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
never cared too much about honesty
- "Trouble Sleeping" by: The Perishers

...:::j u l i e:::...