SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE

Sitting here in my bed, staring at his photo on my laptop. Listening to Trent Reznor's torment over the melodic and haunting sound of piano strings. Track on repeat. Over and over and over. Memorizing every little detail of his photo. His black collared shirt. His tattoos. His piercing. His nose. His goatee. His eyelashes, looking down and smiling, holding on to that one object that could possibly define his existence: His electric guitar. His music. And I can't help but fucking wonder if he ever missed me, let alone remembered me. Because I do. I consistently do. And I know that even if it's now been a year that has gone between us, I have not changed much. That no matter how many guys I met and liked, they could only line up and no one has ever taken his throne with his trident. My sole god of war. The most influential stranger I've ever known. But I remain a kid in his eyes. If he only see my entire being. If he could only knew how much I've grown up, but it's still not enough so I could deserve him. He's everything I could ever desire in a man. But he's just something I can never have...


this one's for him...

i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head 'til i don't want to sleep anymore

you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing
and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go way
i just want something
i just want something i can never have

you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
gray would be the color if i had a heart

come on and tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing
and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go way
i just want something
i just want something i can never have

in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now, i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be

come on tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing
and i'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go way

i just want something
i just want something i can never have

SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE
NINE INCH NAILS




...:::j u l i e:::...