almost speechless

Whew! It's awfully nice coming home early. A gloomy Saturday morning. It has been raining for days now. And the fishbowl's flooding in more filth. For a couple or so weeks now, my mornings were wasting away in booze sessions. My easiest way of temporary escape. And this past week was an insanely horrid hurdle. My head was too preoccupied by it. I badly need some break.

Papers. Papers. Piles of cold white freaking papers. Escalated warnings, alerts, and countless other shits, I mean sheets, that was more than all the papers I signed in my first job, where I stayed for nearly two years, combined. Recently, I found myself literally a walking sign post. In one week, my status changed from being a low profile to being an infamous. Alarming. Disappointing. Ridiculous. And today, I was dubbed as resistant. Matigas ang ulo. Honestly, for a while, I was left speechless, blowing my brains off and into the cold hard rough cement.

I may have fucked up, I get it. But don't go drilling holes in my head when your bullets already got me bleeding. My receptacle's nearly collapsing. And while everybody is entitled for their own opinion as they say, are we not allowed to defend ourselves when no one comes to save our own asses? And yes, authority does not come along with subjective judgment liberty. Oftentimes, we say we understand, but, do we really understand?

I have a lot to say, but perhaps, it's best to leave it in silence. After all, less is more. And besides, it's getting too damn tiring when you know your voice rests on anywhere but ears.

...:::j u l i e:::...