the fishbowl of sodom and gomorrah

Two days ago, I swear I had reached the end of my rope. There is only so much shit I can put up with. I was seriously considering leaving, though I know I was not that ready yet. I was bursting with anger that had it not been my off yesterday (I can't call it 'rest day' since I was still fuming, not at all restful), I could care less about misbehaving around people with 'authority'. But this post will not have a buckload of swear words and tongue-lashing. I already saved them all on my private journal.

I have realized that leaving will not always solve the problem.

Tomorrow, I will be reporting for work. But unlike before, I will be more prepared for the worst. When I started working for them, I have always known that any day can be my last day on that place, no matter how excellent one may be performing. But I found myself enjoying my stay during the first two months. Just for those first two months, I forgot about its unstability. But yes, I was right from the beginning. Tomorrow, I will still go to work and do my job as usual, but will be more prepared in case I'll get kicked out of nothing at all, or another atomic bomb will be dropped, just like what happened last November. I will stay for as long as it will be spared or for as long as I need a morning shift. But I need to be more immuned to all the diseases going around that place. Whatever happens in Sodom and Gomorrah, stays in Sodom and Gomorrah. I have now fully accepted that it still has a bigger possibility for annihilation, but I should no longer take any of its aftermath. My life was never attached in any way to that place. With that, it has now given me more chance to concentrate on my priorities. Then, maybe, one day, I can hear a voice telling me I can go and save myself before that place will be destroyed. Then, I can walk away without having to look back with anger or contempt. Maybe then I can say that my stay have already served its purpose.

Maybe, I reached the end of my rope. Maybe not. Nonetheless, I need to go find an extra length. They may be turning worse with each day, but I shouldn't.