after the countdown...

I really have nothing much to say today but to wish for a more fruitful year for everyone


I found this song yesterday while I was on my way home. I wanted to post it here for it speaks of my current state.

LET'S GET FUCKED UP AND DIE
Motion City Soundtrack

Let's get fucked up and die
I'm speaking figuratively, of course
Like the last time that I committed suicide
Social suicide
Yeah so I'm already dead, on the inside
But I can still pretend
With my memories and photographs
I've learned to love the lie

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent,
not belligerent
I wanna know what it feels to be useful and pertinent
and have common sense
Yeah, let me in,
Let me in to the club
'Cause I wanna belong
And I need to get strong
And if memory serves
I'm addicted to words and they're useless

(in this department)

Let's get fucked up and die
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode
I'm about to explode
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
I am perfect and I have learned to accept
All my problems and short comings
'Cause I am so visceral yet deeply inept

I want to thank you for being a part
of my Forget-Me-Nots and Marigolds
And all the things that don't get old
Is it legal to do this?
I surely don't know
It's the only way I have learned to express myself
Through other people's descriptions of life
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless

(in this department)

Let's get fucked up and die
For the last time with feeling
We'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night
That's no shock and surprise
I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die

Sister Soldier you've been such a positive influence
on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative
Goddamn the liquor store's closed
We're so close to scoring
It hurts, it destroys, 'till it kills
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.

(in this department)