I woke up this morning to a gloomy weather. Alone on a Sunday. And I recall the song "Gloomy Sunday" known to be the "Hungrarian Suicide Song" by Rezső Seress. I came across this song when I was 19 and researching for the meaning behind James Taylor's "Fire and Rain". At that time, I had reservations about hearing the notorious suicide song. Music is a powerful force to reckon with, I figured. It was only last year when I downloaded Billie Holiday's 1940s version, and everytime I'd hear it, I get goosebumps. Yes, it has a depressing tone, but at the same time, it has a certain dark beauty in it. I realized it's not such a creepy song after all, for everyday, I commit suicide.
On a nutshell, Gloomy Sunday was composed in 1933 by Rezső Seress, a Hungarian pianist, after a fight with his girlfriend. The song started to gain its notoriety when several cases were reported about people killing themselves after listening to it, some even had the music sheets or the lyrics held in their cold hands. And, like fuel to the fire, the original composer jumped from a building in Budapest in 1968.
Following is the Sam M. Lewis English translation of the song, as popularized by Billie Holiday:
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are sad I know
Let them not weep let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart, here
Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Links:
http://www.qsl.net/w5www/gloomy.html
http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/gloomy.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloomy_Sunday
...:::j u l i e:::...
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
resistance is futile
What I'm listening to at the moment:
"Resistance is futile" by Jets to Brazil
there's glass in this rug
tiny splinters pass
all just missiles
to bloodstream
the lead in water
collects in liver
transmists signals
inside me
pass me the remedy get this chip out of my head
subjects wants to come down, refuses lead
there's gas in one lung
should we need it
silly rabbit
you can't see
our team of crackerjacks
at full readiness
treason angel
we'll find you
on the head of a pin in the hair of another angel
subject wants to come home, it's not time
pass me the remedy get this shit out of my head
subject wants to come down, refuses lead
you're never too small for our attention
you watch tv while we watch you
you're never too small for our attention
you're never so small we can't see you.
"Resistance is futile" by Jets to Brazil
there's glass in this rug
tiny splinters pass
all just missiles
to bloodstream
the lead in water
collects in liver
transmists signals
inside me
pass me the remedy get this chip out of my head
subjects wants to come down, refuses lead
there's gas in one lung
should we need it
silly rabbit
you can't see
our team of crackerjacks
at full readiness
treason angel
we'll find you
on the head of a pin in the hair of another angel
subject wants to come home, it's not time
pass me the remedy get this shit out of my head
subject wants to come down, refuses lead
you're never too small for our attention
you watch tv while we watch you
you're never too small for our attention
you're never so small we can't see you.
w i r e s
Wires. As I was trying to recharge my laptop earlier did I get to realize just how many wires I have on my bed.
1. laptop charger
2. cellphone charger
3. portable DVD player charger
4. Nokia headset
5. two stereo headsets
6. DSL cable
And it's not only wires that one can find on my single-sized bed. At this moment, other than a pillow and a comforter, I have:
1. three assorted books (includes fiction and non-fiction)
2. Merriam-Webster dictionary
3. lots of DVDs
4. cotton rounds
5. tissue roll
6. caps
7. perfume bottle
8. cellphone
9. journal
10. two colors of duct tapes
11. bookmark
12. hair band
13. portable DVD player
14. eye mask
15. remote control
16. a hanger
17. Staedtler pencil
18. felt-tip pens
19. metallic gel pens
20. my fave Pilot Hi-Tecpoint V5 pen, in two colors
21. pizza delivery receipt
22. flashdrive
23. some pieces of clean clothes I haven't placed on my closet yet, and
24. this laptop
Okay. My bed spells m-e-s-s, I know. I have cabinets and tables, alright. My bed sheet's being cleaned out every month. But I have been like this since childhood, having my stuffs occupying half of my bed. Partly because it has been an extension of my corner desk. And, mostly because, though it's highly relaxing lying on a neat bed, somehow it gets boring, plain, dull, and empty. I'm not one to be an OC type. I like a bit of riot. Makes me feel sane and grounded. And it's not like I use my bed other than personal stuffs. It's a single-sized for crying out loud! There were nights I hardly even fit on it. But, if there's one thing good about this eccentricity, it's the way I learned to be mindful of my movements even when I sleep. With all those things lying beside me, I manage not to see any them on the floor when I wake up.
...:::j u l i e:::...
1. laptop charger
2. cellphone charger
3. portable DVD player charger
4. Nokia headset
5. two stereo headsets
6. DSL cable
And it's not only wires that one can find on my single-sized bed. At this moment, other than a pillow and a comforter, I have:
1. three assorted books (includes fiction and non-fiction)
2. Merriam-Webster dictionary
3. lots of DVDs
4. cotton rounds
5. tissue roll
6. caps
7. perfume bottle
8. cellphone
9. journal
10. two colors of duct tapes
11. bookmark
12. hair band
13. portable DVD player
14. eye mask
15. remote control
16. a hanger
17. Staedtler pencil
18. felt-tip pens
19. metallic gel pens
20. my fave Pilot Hi-Tecpoint V5 pen, in two colors
21. pizza delivery receipt
22. flashdrive
23. some pieces of clean clothes I haven't placed on my closet yet, and
24. this laptop
Okay. My bed spells m-e-s-s, I know. I have cabinets and tables, alright. My bed sheet's being cleaned out every month. But I have been like this since childhood, having my stuffs occupying half of my bed. Partly because it has been an extension of my corner desk. And, mostly because, though it's highly relaxing lying on a neat bed, somehow it gets boring, plain, dull, and empty. I'm not one to be an OC type. I like a bit of riot. Makes me feel sane and grounded. And it's not like I use my bed other than personal stuffs. It's a single-sized for crying out loud! There were nights I hardly even fit on it. But, if there's one thing good about this eccentricity, it's the way I learned to be mindful of my movements even when I sleep. With all those things lying beside me, I manage not to see any them on the floor when I wake up.
...:::j u l i e:::...
the lost days
Book of the Week:
When I saw this book last week, I know I just got to have it.
Emily the Strange: The Lost Days (A Novel)
Penned by Rob Reger and Jessica Gruner.
Illustrated by Rob Reger and Buzz Parker.
Get Lost.
...:::j u l i e:::...
When I saw this book last week, I know I just got to have it.
Emily the Strange: The Lost Days (A Novel)
Penned by Rob Reger and Jessica Gruner.
Illustrated by Rob Reger and Buzz Parker.
Get Lost.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Friday, July 24, 2009
B a S s T A T i O n
What I'm listening to at the moment:
"Basstation" by Girls Against Boys
I won't listen to reason. I won't listen to you. I won't listen to reason 'cause I know what to do. I won't listen to you. A new way to be. Let's get higher. A new way to be. Take me higher. 'Cause in the context of no context. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Yeah in the context of you. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Yeah in the context of no contest. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Like in the context of you. I won't listen to reason. I won't listen to you. Five ways to nothing. Five ways to nothing new. And I won't listen to you.
.: And I'm just in ecstacy now that I can connect to the web from my room. \m/
...:::j u l i e:::...
"Basstation" by Girls Against Boys
I won't listen to reason. I won't listen to you. I won't listen to reason 'cause I know what to do. I won't listen to you. A new way to be. Let's get higher. A new way to be. Take me higher. 'Cause in the context of no context. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Yeah in the context of you. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Yeah in the context of no contest. Everywhere cool, there's nothing new. Like in the context of you. I won't listen to reason. I won't listen to you. Five ways to nothing. Five ways to nothing new. And I won't listen to you.
.: And I'm just in ecstacy now that I can connect to the web from my room. \m/
...:::j u l i e:::...
Thursday, July 23, 2009
yes, it's my name!
Okay. So my egocentric self tried to Google my name to see if this blog will even be included in the first 10 generated search results. Wow! 7th place it was! Then, I found this, well, interesting site:
Sweet! They even had four links to my blog under 'Related Blog Posts' portion. Following are some of the trivia I got from their page.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Sweet! They even had four links to my blog under 'Related Blog Posts' portion. Following are some of the trivia I got from their page.
Top 5 Facts for this Name:
- 40% of the letters are vowels. Of one million first and last names we looked at, 29.7% have a higher vowel make-up. This means you are well envoweled.
- In ASCII binary it is... 01001010 01110101 01101100 01101001 01100101 00100000 01001011 01110111 01101111 01101110 01100111
- Backwards, it is Eiluj Gnowk... nice ring to it, huh?
- In Pig Latin, it is Uliejay Ongkway.
- People with this first name are probably: Female. So, you are constantly overcharged for beauty products.
Name Origin and Meaning:
Forename:
Origin: Latin (Root: Julia)
Meaning: Soft-haired, youthful
3 Things You Didn't Know:
- Your personal power animal is the Sumatran Orangutan
- Your 'Numerology' number is 1. If it wasn't bulls**t, it would mean that you are ambitious, independent, and self-sufficient. Although you are generally happy, loving, dynamic and charismatic, you can sometimes be egotistical, selfish and melodramatic.
- According to the US Census Bureau°, 0.348% of US residents have the first name 'Julie' and 0.0021% have the surname 'Kwong'. The US has around 300 million residents, so we guesstimate there are 22 Americans who go by the name 'Julie Kwong'.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Monday, July 20, 2009
@ Trellis
Wow! Almost surreal looking at those photos. I never thought I would have them all in one place. I was just elated to see them all and celebrate my birthday with them. They were my second family, my home away from home. And now, when most of us have already fled that home and have different places to stay, I can only get so wistful. I will always treasure those people. Hoping this won't be the last time to see them all. Thanks for the memories.
Some of Batch 27H. It's been three years!
1/3 of the original Desperados Team '07
Some of Batch 27H. It's been three years!
1/3 of the original Desperados Team '07Thanks Kaye for the pictures. For more of that "bachelorette party" ballyhoo, please click here.
...:::j u l i e:::...
...:::j u l i e:::...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
dayshift: ups and downs
Sweet. Welcome back, dayshift! After two months of wait, staying on a night shift, I am now back on my diurnal clock. But, it's not all pretty, so I thought of listing some of its ups and downs.
UPS:
(+) A sleep spent over the night is irreplaceable, even if it's just for a couple or three hours.
(+) I get to maximize my afternoons and evenings.
(+) I save up to half of my transportation allowance.
(+) Food's way better during lunchtime.
(+) I can always drop by the mall after work.
(+) I get to save the money that goes to San Mig.
(+) Walking is my therapy...and my only form of exercise currently.
DOWNS:
(-) I miss my Wootenclan™ beer and yosi buddies. And it doesn't help that my morning-shift-buddy just got kicked out for his excessive love of Facebook and YouTube...on full screen!
(-) More than half of my shift is spent in isolation. At least I can concentrate on my copy-paste tasks.
(-) It's only been three days of "normalcy" and already, I feel heavier. See UPS # 4.
(-) It's harder to wake up when everyone else is still asleep and having to face the ice-cold shower.
(-) Ah! The life of a buzzer-beater. Always in a hurry. Making four minutes down the hour still too early for my arrival.
(-) The afternoon traffic.
Well, having it all is just a multi-vitamin brand. As what they say, you win some, you lose some. That's the shit we all have to swallow.
...:::j u l i e:::...
UPS:
(+) A sleep spent over the night is irreplaceable, even if it's just for a couple or three hours.
(+) I get to maximize my afternoons and evenings.
(+) I save up to half of my transportation allowance.
(+) Food's way better during lunchtime.
(+) I can always drop by the mall after work.
(+) I get to save the money that goes to San Mig.
(+) Walking is my therapy...and my only form of exercise currently.
DOWNS:
(-) I miss my Wootenclan™ beer and yosi buddies. And it doesn't help that my morning-shift-buddy just got kicked out for his excessive love of Facebook and YouTube...on full screen!
(-) More than half of my shift is spent in isolation. At least I can concentrate on my copy-paste tasks.
(-) It's only been three days of "normalcy" and already, I feel heavier. See UPS # 4.
(-) It's harder to wake up when everyone else is still asleep and having to face the ice-cold shower.
(-) Ah! The life of a buzzer-beater. Always in a hurry. Making four minutes down the hour still too early for my arrival.
(-) The afternoon traffic.
Well, having it all is just a multi-vitamin brand. As what they say, you win some, you lose some. That's the shit we all have to swallow.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
eric's song...part 2
"And of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
You pick up the pieces
And the ghosts in the attic
They never quite leave"
- Eric's Song
Viena Teng
two words.
and a frowny.
after three long days.
just when i was getting used to not expecting.
salt grains in the half-fresh wound.
two words.
two words i badly need.
and don't need.
because this enormous weight seemed to have been breezingly lifted.
and now, i have something to fear once again.
fear of being the last on such short thread.
fear of sitting, waiting, hoping, and still getting nothing.
fear of relapse from an addiction of which i was already shaken.
how sorry was he really?
concealing this hollowness with the lightness of my sound.
but it was not okay.
never okay.
because he has no clue.
of the depth of this tunnel i go through.
enveloped by the darkness of his shadow.
and of course i forgive him.
but i try not to forget.
because the cycle needs to be broken.
or i'll be.
yet again.
[below was something i wrote on my lomonotebook on July 13, 2009 Monday 12:27 PM. I just edited some portions of it.]
waking up with this eerie coldness
i looked outside
it's raining and gloomy
then i realized
it was not because of the weather.
i looked inside
and there's the gaping hole
hollowness echoing.
the coldness of losing.
somehow, something in me died that night.
when five minutes could have made it right.
could have beens.
should have beens.
what ifs
and if onlys.
fooling myself by keeping myself occupied.
but lapses bring him swiftly back to my senses.
seeping through my veins.
circulating my body.
all the way to my brain.
he was my addiction.
worse than the nicotine in my cigarette.
worse than the alcohol in my booze.
worse than the caffeine in my drink.
now, he becomes the teeth in the sad tones of the songs i'm listening.
sinking its claws into my skin.
spreading his venom into my being.
impaling.
agonizing.
paralyzing.
i watched as the last of my memory in him took the backseat.
out of his door and into the highway.
trashed and forgotten.
while the last of his memory in me
spreads like wild fire in a desserted forest.
i'm just a past that now becomes a nobody.
and he's a past that keeps on haunting me.
as i sit in this corner, under his shadow
wrapping myself around only to a memory.
staring nowhere and silently, excruciatingly bleeding.
for the most beautiful imperfection i placed on a throne.
where my contradictions find its home.
and then...
it dawned on me
that i was sitted in the exact same spot.
having the exact same coldness.
from the exact same gaping hole.
from the exact same soul.
from two years ago.
and i still haven't learned my lesson.
enough for me not to let it play on repeat.
and i was painstakingly exorbitantly stupid.
a fool once and a fool then
and all the time, the space, the distance that goes in between.
i still am a fool for him.
...:::j u l i e:::...
I've seen how you live
Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
You pick up the pieces
And the ghosts in the attic
They never quite leave"
- Eric's Song
Viena Teng
two words.
and a frowny.
after three long days.
just when i was getting used to not expecting.
salt grains in the half-fresh wound.
two words.
two words i badly need.
and don't need.
because this enormous weight seemed to have been breezingly lifted.
and now, i have something to fear once again.
fear of being the last on such short thread.
fear of sitting, waiting, hoping, and still getting nothing.
fear of relapse from an addiction of which i was already shaken.
how sorry was he really?
concealing this hollowness with the lightness of my sound.
but it was not okay.
never okay.
because he has no clue.
of the depth of this tunnel i go through.
enveloped by the darkness of his shadow.
and of course i forgive him.
but i try not to forget.
because the cycle needs to be broken.
or i'll be.
yet again.
[below was something i wrote on my lomonotebook on July 13, 2009 Monday 12:27 PM. I just edited some portions of it.]
waking up with this eerie coldness
i looked outside
it's raining and gloomy
then i realized
it was not because of the weather.
i looked inside
and there's the gaping hole
hollowness echoing.
the coldness of losing.
somehow, something in me died that night.
when five minutes could have made it right.
could have beens.
should have beens.
what ifs
and if onlys.
fooling myself by keeping myself occupied.
but lapses bring him swiftly back to my senses.
seeping through my veins.
circulating my body.
all the way to my brain.
he was my addiction.
worse than the nicotine in my cigarette.
worse than the alcohol in my booze.
worse than the caffeine in my drink.
now, he becomes the teeth in the sad tones of the songs i'm listening.
sinking its claws into my skin.
spreading his venom into my being.
impaling.
agonizing.
paralyzing.
i watched as the last of my memory in him took the backseat.
out of his door and into the highway.
trashed and forgotten.
while the last of his memory in me
spreads like wild fire in a desserted forest.
i'm just a past that now becomes a nobody.
and he's a past that keeps on haunting me.
as i sit in this corner, under his shadow
wrapping myself around only to a memory.
staring nowhere and silently, excruciatingly bleeding.
for the most beautiful imperfection i placed on a throne.
where my contradictions find its home.
and then...
it dawned on me
that i was sitted in the exact same spot.
having the exact same coldness.
from the exact same gaping hole.
from the exact same soul.
from two years ago.
and i still haven't learned my lesson.
enough for me not to let it play on repeat.
and i was painstakingly exorbitantly stupid.
a fool once and a fool then
and all the time, the space, the distance that goes in between.
i still am a fool for him.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Monday, July 13, 2009
rare white alligator
Wierd. Saw this on MSN.com. Wierd. They look nice, though. But wierd. Wierd.
Here's an article taken from ezinearticles.com
Link: http://ezinearticles.com/?White-Alligators-Vs-Albino-Alligators&id=1929567
White Alligator Vs Albino Alligator
By Tasha Boroff
Here's an article taken from ezinearticles.com
Link: http://ezinearticles.com/?White-Alligators-Vs-Albino-Alligators&id=1929567
White Alligator Vs Albino Alligator
By Tasha Boroff
What do you know about the magnificent White Alligator? The white alligators are one of the rarest alligators around. They are restricted to the Southeastern United States. In 1987 in the bayou of southwest New Orleans 18 baby White Alligators were found. The were all taken to a zoo in Louisiana. Out of those 18 only 10 of them have survived. There is not really a whole lot of difference between them and all other alligators. Like all others they live in freshwater, swamps, marshes, rivers, lakes and small bodies of water of the southeastern United States. The only difference is that the color of their skin looks like "White Chocolate". They are sometimes referred to as the "Swamp Ghost".
Believe it or not there are two kinds of white Alligators. You have the White Alligator and the Albino Alligator. These two are very similar, however there are slight differences between them. Albino's have a red or pink eyes where White Alligators have blues eyes. Unlike the White Alligators, Albinos are very weak creatures.
White Alligators are very beautiful to look at, and just as graceful and mesmerizing as all other alligators. Unfortunately the only way to see a white alligator now would be to visit some of the few zoos that have made a home for them. The biggest enemy of the White Alligator believe it or not is the sun. This is due to the fact that they actually have white pigments. Which means their skin is really just white skin.
Legend has it, that those who gaze into the blue eyes of the White Alligator will be blessed with good luck for the coming year and prosperity will surely follow. - TB
-----------------------------------------
Does looking into those blue eyes through YouTube count? =P
...:::j u l i e:::...
eric's song
Strange how you know inside me
I measure the time and I stand amazed
Strange how I know inside you
My hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze
And of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
You pick up the pieces
And the ghosts in the attic
They never quite leave
And of course I forgive
You've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
My voices and analogies
Ambitions like ribbons
Worn bright on my sleeve
Strange how we know each other
Strange how I fit into you
There's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
Strange how you fit into me
A gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs
And with each passing day
The stories we say
Draw us tighter into our addiction
Confirm our conviction
That some kind of miracle
Passed on our hands
And how I am sure
Like never before
Of my reasons for defying reason
Embracing the seasons
We dance through the colors
Both followed and led
Strange how we fit each other
Strange how certain the journey
Time unfolds the petals
For our eyes to see
Strange how this journey's hurting
In ways we accept as part of fate's decree
So we just hold on fast
Acknowledge the past
As lessons exquisitely crafted
Painstakingly drafted
To carve us as instruments
That play the music of life
For we don't realize
Our faith in the prize
Unless it's been somehow elusive
How swiftly we choose it
The sacred simplicity
Of you at my side
"Eric's Song"
Viena Teng
I measure the time and I stand amazed
Strange how I know inside you
My hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze
And of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
You pick up the pieces
And the ghosts in the attic
They never quite leave
And of course I forgive
You've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
My voices and analogies
Ambitions like ribbons
Worn bright on my sleeve
Strange how we know each other
Strange how I fit into you
There's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
Strange how you fit into me
A gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs
And with each passing day
The stories we say
Draw us tighter into our addiction
Confirm our conviction
That some kind of miracle
Passed on our hands
And how I am sure
Like never before
Of my reasons for defying reason
Embracing the seasons
We dance through the colors
Both followed and led
Strange how we fit each other
Strange how certain the journey
Time unfolds the petals
For our eyes to see
Strange how this journey's hurting
In ways we accept as part of fate's decree
So we just hold on fast
Acknowledge the past
As lessons exquisitely crafted
Painstakingly drafted
To carve us as instruments
That play the music of life
For we don't realize
Our faith in the prize
Unless it's been somehow elusive
How swiftly we choose it
The sacred simplicity
Of you at my side
"Eric's Song"
Viena Teng
Sunday, July 12, 2009
let it die
A heart of gold but it lost it's pride
Beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes
I've seen your face in another light
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
And it all slips away, like water in your hands. A beauty only in memory. A wave of nostalgia. You stand in a corner and watch it all fade into oblivion. Watched how I let it all die. Irrecoverable. I looked into the old familiar faces of people I once called family, in the old familiar place I once called home. Wondering what have I lost and what have I become since I left. Gained something. Lost something. But for a short while, I managed to breathe that old familiar past. Wanting to freeze it into a million folds than just a single shot of a digital camera. A memory of reliving a memory.
Do you ever think of me?
You're so considerate
Did you ever think of me?
Oh so considerate
And I can't sleep. Couldn't shake my head off it. Lost it like time when all I needed was just a measly fraction of it. Maybe because I wanted more. Maybe because I expected some truth in what I was told. A sugar-coated lie? Karma? Or just the bittersweet reality of unrightful circumstances? Because people only stop and take notice when something no longer exist. Only remembers when something's gone for good...
Heart's gone cold and out of time
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
- "Let It Die"
Foo Fighters
...:::j u l i e:::...
Beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes
I've seen your face in another light
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
And it all slips away, like water in your hands. A beauty only in memory. A wave of nostalgia. You stand in a corner and watch it all fade into oblivion. Watched how I let it all die. Irrecoverable. I looked into the old familiar faces of people I once called family, in the old familiar place I once called home. Wondering what have I lost and what have I become since I left. Gained something. Lost something. But for a short while, I managed to breathe that old familiar past. Wanting to freeze it into a million folds than just a single shot of a digital camera. A memory of reliving a memory.
Do you ever think of me?
You're so considerate
Did you ever think of me?
Oh so considerate
And I can't sleep. Couldn't shake my head off it. Lost it like time when all I needed was just a measly fraction of it. Maybe because I wanted more. Maybe because I expected some truth in what I was told. A sugar-coated lie? Karma? Or just the bittersweet reality of unrightful circumstances? Because people only stop and take notice when something no longer exist. Only remembers when something's gone for good...
Heart's gone cold and out of time
Why'd you have to go and let it die?
- "Let It Die"
Foo Fighters
...:::j u l i e:::...
Monday, July 6, 2009
B . U . R . N . ! ! !
This world rejects me
This world threw me away
This world never gave me a chance
This world gonna have to pay
Well I don't believe in your institutions
I did what you wanted me to
And like the cancer in your system
I've got a little surprise for you
Something inside of me
Has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there?
Did you not realize?
This thing inside of me
It screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
Burn
I look down at where you're standing
Flock of sheep all on display
With all your lies piled up around you
I can take it all away
Something inside of me
Has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there?
Did you not realize?
Something inside of me
It screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
I'm gonna burn this whole world down
I'm gonna burn this whole world down
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I am your savior
I am corruption
I am the angel
of your destruction
I am perversion
Secret desire
I am your future
Swallowed up in fire
BURN
Nine Inch Nails
The past that I torn down years and years ago seems crawling back at my feet. Taking refuge in my anger. Bursting, yet all too consumed by the envelope of indifference that I created so the demons won't be awakened. And now, they are. And oh! how I badly need them.
I walk this life knowing no one can take pride and joy in my short existence. And so I try not to make it otherwise. But I tried to change so I could deserve some drop of forgiveness. But some people just don't fucking understand what it means. They know the word. They say it so everyone thinks they're a saint, a martyr. But behind those ridiculous pose, was the face that knows only hatred and harbors in it. And I was too dumb not to realize that everything was just a sick and fucked up lie. And it could have been fine if it was anyone else. But not to the people I care most to have sacrificed many things. I may not have been the best, but everything I changed into was out of purity. I was just trying to look after them, but I guess it was a mistake. Anger sheds masks, and in a snap, the saint transforms back into a monster. Unleashing the whip of the worst tongue I have ever heard of. The only noise that could pollute my head in just mere seconds. And every word uttered was a lash in my skin. Breaking. Burning. Bleeding.
Disgusting. Trading in forgiveness for respect. Or lack thereof. And this "black sheep selfish ungrateful brat" has always been true to her actions. But if some people can't, then, I don't have to look back. I did what needs to be done. If you don't like me for who I was, who I am now, and who I will become, then get fucking lost!
I have always thought that self-annihilation will be the best revenge I could do to someone I supposedly owed my existence for. And so, I wanted to destroy myself and have fun doing it. But then, I realized, my life is not about revenge or apology. It's mine. The only thing I can call mine. Whatever I do to it, is mine for taking.
...:::j u l i e:::...
This world threw me away
This world never gave me a chance
This world gonna have to pay
Well I don't believe in your institutions
I did what you wanted me to
And like the cancer in your system
I've got a little surprise for you
Something inside of me
Has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there?
Did you not realize?
This thing inside of me
It screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
Burn
I look down at where you're standing
Flock of sheep all on display
With all your lies piled up around you
I can take it all away
Something inside of me
Has opened up its eyes
Why did you put it there?
Did you not realize?
Something inside of me
It screams the loudest sound
Sometimes I think I could
I'm gonna burn this whole world down
I'm gonna burn this whole world down
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I never was a part of you
I am your savior
I am corruption
I am the angel
of your destruction
I am perversion
Secret desire
I am your future
Swallowed up in fire
BURN
Nine Inch Nails
The past that I torn down years and years ago seems crawling back at my feet. Taking refuge in my anger. Bursting, yet all too consumed by the envelope of indifference that I created so the demons won't be awakened. And now, they are. And oh! how I badly need them.
I walk this life knowing no one can take pride and joy in my short existence. And so I try not to make it otherwise. But I tried to change so I could deserve some drop of forgiveness. But some people just don't fucking understand what it means. They know the word. They say it so everyone thinks they're a saint, a martyr. But behind those ridiculous pose, was the face that knows only hatred and harbors in it. And I was too dumb not to realize that everything was just a sick and fucked up lie. And it could have been fine if it was anyone else. But not to the people I care most to have sacrificed many things. I may not have been the best, but everything I changed into was out of purity. I was just trying to look after them, but I guess it was a mistake. Anger sheds masks, and in a snap, the saint transforms back into a monster. Unleashing the whip of the worst tongue I have ever heard of. The only noise that could pollute my head in just mere seconds. And every word uttered was a lash in my skin. Breaking. Burning. Bleeding.
Disgusting. Trading in forgiveness for respect. Or lack thereof. And this "black sheep selfish ungrateful brat" has always been true to her actions. But if some people can't, then, I don't have to look back. I did what needs to be done. If you don't like me for who I was, who I am now, and who I will become, then get fucking lost!
I have always thought that self-annihilation will be the best revenge I could do to someone I supposedly owed my existence for. And so, I wanted to destroy myself and have fun doing it. But then, I realized, my life is not about revenge or apology. It's mine. The only thing I can call mine. Whatever I do to it, is mine for taking.
...:::j u l i e:::...
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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