forever young

Nobody seems to believe I'm 23. When people see me or hear my voice for the first time, they think I'm somewhere around 16 to 18. And no amount of mascara, eyeliner, blush, high heels or short skirt can do the trick. I still look like a kid.

Some people I know adviced me to try dressing the part. But their typical idea of a lady in her early twenties are frills-wearing, pink-loving, heels-strutting, makeup-obsessing fads who only thinks about boys, shopping, boys, facials, boys, parties, and attracting more boys. Stereotypical. And I'm the antithesis. I hate frills, florals and anything awfully girly for clothes. I hate pink. I hate heels. I only put mascara, black eyeliner and some liquid cheek tint mostly on a daily basis, none if I'm too lazy or not in the mood. I am at my most comfortable wearing a graphic t-shirt, a hoodie, jeans, sneaks, and a huge sling bag to carry all my junk. I mostly shop for CDs, second-hand books, craft magazines and materials, and some odd stuffs, like, say, a keychain voodoo doll. A homebody that rarely goes to parties. And yes, in all normalcy's sake, 37% of my brain is occupied by thoughts about guys, but I honestly don't care if I attract them. I find no need to dress and be all made up just so I can gravitize their attention. I am utterly blissful having this solitary state, thankyouverymuch. I know I am wierd. And I'm a hopeless case.

There are a few people who tried to make me feel a little better by saying when I turn 40, I would still look a hot chick in her late twenties. That would be fabulous if I'm already in my forties and without saddlebags (unless I go to Belo or Marie France). But I am 23 now, for crying out loud!

What concerns me most is how people interact with me. I noticed that most of their reactions are loosely based on what I said, nor on how I said it (whether it be professionally or plain bitchy) but merely to the sound of my voice. I can tell how much they try to sugarcoat their responses just because I sound young, sweet, and fragile. I mean, man, I would very much appreciate a straightforward answer, even in its brutally honest glory.

And here's some of what I particularly hate. When I'm in an audio-video store, those salespeople automatically think I'm looking for, say, Highschool Musical or the latest release from Miley Cyrus or The Jonas Brothers. What am I, 12? I mean, if they wanted to help, don't assume what I'm looking for. Or just keep their cowdamn mouth shut up. Or how those DOMs try to make their pa-Mr. Suave moves thinking I'm all too naive for not knowing their pork swords will still look wrinkled and gray, no matter how much excitement it feels, if it still feels any excitement at all. And those filthy scumbag losers who try to hit on me, ugh! I could puke my gut off right in front of them and they will still be the more disgusting.

Well, I guess I'm just what they call "aging gracefully", taking my time while I still have it. Most kids nowadays try to look older than their age which is rather alarming. I wish I could tell them not to be in such a hurry to grow up. I figured age does not guarantee maturity. I'm just glad I experienced being a kid for a long time, so when I get old, I will be ready and willing to embrace it. For now, I guess no matter what I do, I will still look like a smiling Emily The Strange, minus the black lipstick, of course. But, I think it's way better looking underage than behaving underage. I maybe childlike, but I'm not childish.


"It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
and diamonds are forever..."
- Youth Group