Still. Stuck. Stranded.

God, I miss being "normal".

It's been ten long days since I last made a post. And it will take me a long time before I could post another one.

A lot's no longer the same since typhoon Ondoy struck last Saturday. Since I experience electricity again, after almost a week of living on outage, all I watch is just the news, learning that the wrath I've seen is nothing compared to what others went through. Indeed, it's the most horrible weather we all have experienced here. According to the news, a month's worth of rain was poured in just 6-9 hours straight. And now, there's typhoon Pepeng to worry.

I'm staying here at my good friend Tina's place for the night, and I can't help but have this bit of envy for the little liberty she gets for having her own private nook.

I'm having a momentary word bank shut down. So I'll just be posting below some of the thoughts I keyed in on my cellphone within the past challenging week.


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Saturday. September 26, 2009. 5.40 PM.

Here in the corner hallway of my Alma Mater. My only source of momentary cover and refuge. It's beginning to be dark on this gloomiest weather I've ever experienced. My body's aching and chilling. I've never felt this desperate to go home. I'm waiting for my father to save me so we can both go home with minimal scathe. It's been raining so hard since last night. Nearly 24 hours now. Pasig river's overflowing. So, unless I could swim in murky waters for a good couple of kilometers, I could probably get myself home. But I can't. And I'm stuck here in this cold dry place.

As I was walking with other people on the covered elevated pedestrian walk more than an hour ago, it felt like those end-of-the-world movies where people scour to go to one place where they think they could be safe. But, alas, right at the end is where the hell is just beginning. I seriously fought so hard not to breakdown. I still am. This is by far the most horrible weather I have ever experienced. Knowing that getting home is just quarter of the battle.

More than half of the establishments here are closed. I dropped by 7-11 across the street before I sat here to buy some Globe credits so I could call my father. They ran out of any. Then, I realized I only had 200 pesos and some change on my wallet. My cellphone battery's fully charged and working on less than 20-peso load. On my bag are tissues, newspaper, chips, DVDs, and cookies. I haven't taken my lunch and only had a bottle of beer. I have two lighters with no cigarette. I am starving, chilling, and desperate to go home.

Home, according to my sister, is flooded up waist-high and reached the inside of our elevated interior. And my cat Sid's missing. Makes me want to repent all my mountain of sins. Makes me think if this is the beginning of the end of this world. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.


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Thursday. October 1, 2009. 10:16PM

My alarm went off at 6AM this morning. I was sure I did not set it for I won't be going to work. I stood up, realizing it was only a reminder. Eduard's birthday. Only a reminder devoid now of any value. I stopped the alarm and went back to sleep.

Never have I fully realized that writing my daily experiences will be so much engraved in me. As I lay here in the darkness of this little room I share with my family, I suddenly become foreign to privacy. The past two days have been a whirlwind. Day 5, Wednesday, and everything still looked the same. Hardly any noticeable difference to the level of flood. Maybe, a lot more filthy, but never substantially lower. We all realized we need to do something. With my mother's advice, I texted my aunt and asked if we could possibly stay at her place for a week or two. Either we rot in our apartment, or we go find some place. Thank goodness that exists in my aunt's soul for sharing with us her home.

We began packing our stuffs. I included clothes good for two weeks, Chuck Palahniuk books, toiletries, and my gadgets. A little past lunchtime, my father arrived and we began to prepare leaving. More than a dozen bags were loaded into the fiberglass boat owned by one of our neighbors. Somehow, though I've grown some callousness, still, I felt another portion of me was left the minute I stepped onto that boat. Five years of our lives were spent sheltering on that pink apartment. Now, we had to leave because of typhoon Ondoy's wrath. Not to mention the insatiable greed and selfishness by the python that owns that place. And now, I feel slowly but steadily losing grip of myself. This is the second night we're here, and the only alone time I had was whenever I pee or take a shower. No internet as well, which is why I'm just typing in my thoughts here on my cellphone and saving it on my drafts. I have to make do with what's accessible and subtle. I miss Facebook, Twitter, this blog, the blogs I follow, my room, my privacy...

Oh! And my cat Sid's still stuck on our front-door neighbor's rooftop! With scarcely any food or water, I cross my fingers that little creature would survive until I can go back and get him.

Can I just also mention how I loathe people who says "kawawa ka naman". I appreciate the sympathy, but the last thing I need is pity. If you can't do something to alleviate the situation, then at least try not to say things that might even lower the spirit of the already downcasted. For those who texted to extend their sympathy and offered some help, I sincerely appreciate them. Thank you. However, this incident helped me see that help from another hand could be as scarce as the dodo bird. The only one you can really depend on, at the most, is nothing but your very own self.

Though we're now free from flood and outage, somehow, this liberty bred a new form of imprisonment, entangled with the help we got for being free from the previous. And it scares me increasingly by the hour...

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Thanks Tina, for letting me stay at your place for the night, for letting me have a few hours of the private time I so desperately need during these times.

...:::j u l i e:::...